January is over and we have had a month now to start tackling the new resolutions we came up with for 2023. Some may be easy to stick to, while others may be challenging. Some you may have already decided were just ludicrous and determined that it must have been the champagne talking when you agreed to it. And that is ok.
What about last year’s though? What were your resolutions in 2022? Did you succeed in keeping them? Mine was to read through the Bible, travel more, discover peace within me, and to let go of my past. I wasn’t a total success for those resolutions, but wasn’t a total failure either. I did read through the entire Bible, I did travel to places I’d never been before and some that I had, and I did find ways to let go of my past. Finding my inner peace on the other hand, was not a complete success. I found that I can let go of my past and release it all out into the world, but I too often still allow the damage the past did, to haunt me in my present. I remain trapped within my own thoughts and rob myself of that inner peace I deserve. So, my resolution this year was to figure all this out…to the best of my ability, of course. Like, how do I change those negative ways of thinking? How do I stop obsessively thinking about things and allowing the past to dictate my current situations? How do I break bad habits in general? What things do I actually have control over?
Well, I can change who I date and the type of people I surround myself with. I can give people the benefit of the doubt more and not automatically assume they are all just like the people in my past. I can start each new day with positive affirmations instead of dread for what could all go wrong. These are all things I have control of…or should. The obsessive over thinking on the other hand is a big challenge for me still. As I’ve talked about before, I often replay things from the past in my mind, and I even project that energy into my daily life. I even play out arguments or situations in my mind that haven’t even happened yet. I convince myself that it’s just me always being prepared for the worst. But what it is really doing is creating such a negative situation for myself.
One example is that I never give my guy the benefit of the doubt. Guys in my past have done things that hurt me so badly and he now pays for it all. If he even remotely does something that could be interpreted as leading to something like a past wrong, I convince myself that it’s happening again. He’s going to do that thing too and hurt me. So, I do something or say something out of haste because I think I’m protecting myself, when really I’m just hurting me more. Luckily, I haven’t pushed him away yet with my neurotic and obsessive overthinking. He has been dealing with me and calling me out on my bullshit for over a year now, and I am so grateful for that.
The fact of the matter is, that no matter how much thought I put into something, no matter what I convince myself of, I cannot truly predict what’s going to happen. I cannot control what other people do. Maybe he has already cheated on me like those in my past did, or maybe he will. Maybe he has lied to me, and maybe he will eventually leave me too. At the end of the day, I cannot control any of that, no matter how much I think about it and obsess on it. It is all on him, and it’s his loss if he does do any of that and loses me because of it. But, me continuously convincing myself that negative things could be happening or will happen, is self-sabotaging and creating an energy and situation that brings a wall between me and what or who I really want. It keeps everything out of reach and robs me of any chance of joy I could have.
So, how do we make successful change? We do so by finding the root of the problem that needs to be fixed in order to get that permanent change within ourselves that we need. The ability to just up and change our mindset is a powerful thing, but that doesn’t truly eliminate the source of the issue. Thus, it creeps back up on us from time to time. I wish this blog entry was going to end with some great advice on how to accomplish all of this, but it’s not. I don’t have the answers…yet. This next year is going to be spent reading books and researching this, and truly trying to get to the root of the problem, so I can once and for all let go and be at peace. I’ll check in with you all from time to time on this and let you know how it’s going. If you have any suggestions or know of great resources that I should check out, please feel free to leave that within the comments on this post, or contact me directly. I always love hearing from you all.
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