Move on Already

A major reason for writing my book and starting this blog, was to help me move on from the past by telling my truth, releasing it out into the universe, and letting go once and for all. I hoped that the book and this blog would both help others, and both grow to be some form of success that would aid in the building and growth of the Charity/Foundation that I am trying to establish for my community. It was never about getting rich, slamming anyone, or making myself look like a helpless victim in any way. I just wanted to be able to finally let go of my pain and move forward while helping others. My friends, co-workers, parents, and kids have been so supportive in this journey. But to my surprise, my ex-boyfriend and his new fiancé have turned out to be my biggest supporters of all.

For the last month or so, I’ve been made aware that within a day or two of my blog posts going up, the fiancé has taken whatever topic I wrote about that week and splashed it across her Facebook page via derogatory memes or articles on the same subject. She has even gone as far as bashing people with depression as a whole. If I post about wanting true love or dating mishaps, then suddenly dozens of pics of them together get splashed across social media. I suppose it is in hopes that I will see it and become jealous that they have what I am posting about wanting. But sorry to disappoint…because I am quite happy with my life as is, and am far from jealous of not having “that” in my life anymore. If you’ve read my book, you know about these two and the toxic relationship that they too have together now. It’s taken me most of the past year to get to where I am now, and to just walk away from all that hurt and anger, and who I had become because of it. He is someone I have been trying to forget that I ever met. Someone that emotionally abused and manipulated me for so long, that I don’t even know if I’ll ever be me again. Now after MANY months of living my life away from that drama and finally having peace, here we go again.

As much as I wish these people would be mature and just go away, I have to say that it has become quite hilarious for everyone to watch this play out each week. Especially since he looks horrible and miserable in all of the pictures being posted. Rarely does anyone except them ever like their pics/posts about each other, or her rants about me. Their friends and family have clearly grown tired too of the craziness of their relationship, just as mine did when he and I were together. The fact is that the constant and emphatic circling back to me in their daily lives, when I have no connection to or communication with them anymore, says so much about their own insecurities with themselves and with each other, than it does about me.

As if that hasn’t been enough crazy in my life, I received an email on Monday from a name I didn’t recognize. I opened it and the message said, “Hi, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. And Sorry for bothering you, but I would like to know If you know (**)? And what problems does he have with the law?”. To say I was a little confused, was an understatement. All I could think was, here we go again. The person they were inquiring about was my aforementioned ex-boyfriend. I responded with a vague confirmation of knowing the person in question, and asked why they were inquiring. After exchanging several emails, I learned that the person writing me was a family member of the fiancé. They went on to tell me how they are scared for this girl, and how they do not want my ex around her or their family. Apparently he is even banned from the fiancé’s parents’ house, which is where she lives with her kids. They told me what lies he’s been telling them about his criminal history, his past, and even me. I answered some of their questions, and explained that until he gets psychological help, he’ll never be good for anyone or himself. I then told them that I’ve said all I care to say and wished them the best. Not before suggesting of course, that they visit my website and purchase a copy of my book so they could read the whole story. Which they did.

The ironic part of this, is that this came about on the week when he and I had a pre-trial conference scheduled for the law suit I filed against him last year. I filed this suit in attempts to recoup the THOUSANDS he has borrowed from me over the years. Money that I loaned in good faith and out of love. I also wanted to show him that people can’t do what he does and get away with it. Because of the way he was raised and what he saw at home growing up, he preys on single moms and uses, manipulates, and emotionally abuses them. Hence why the chapter in my book about him is called, All Hail The King of Narcissism.

On the day of the hearing, I checked in and waited for my case to be called. Finally, after an hour, the judge called on my case. Just as he hadn’t earlier this year for our mediation appointment, my ex didn’t appear for this pre-trial conference either. The judge determined that he had been properly noticed for the hearing and could have either requested a continuance if he couldn’t make it, or have shown up as he should have. So, since he admitted to the debt in our pre-trial last year and failed to appear for a second time, she took my testimony, reviewed the evidence that I had previously filed with the initial complaint, and ruled in my favor. Finally! After a year of dealing with this on my shoulders, I can breathe a sigh of relief and finally move forward once and for all.

Unfortunately, that sigh of relief didn’t last long. Instead, around 11pm that night, the fiancé took to her ways and started contacting me through my Facebook author page. She accused me of contacting her parents to start trouble, called me names, and put me down. When she didn’t get a reaction out of me in a private message, she turned to publicly posting on my page and trying to bash me for all to see. Ignorance is bliss for some people. At first, I was going to send her screenshots of her family’s emails to me to prove I did nothing wrong, but decided it wasn’t worth going down to her level. So, I deleted everything and ignored her. But her contacting me and knowing how to find me, even when she is blocked otherwise, proved that she stalks all my socials accounts and this blog.

So, if you’re reading this Cici, keep it up. I appreciate you and all of your support, and thank you for being my number one fan! I would also like to dedicate Mitchell Tempenny’s latest hit to you and your fiancé…“Truth About You”. Please check it out on my Spotify, under the “Current Mood” playlist. Link can be found on my Contact page in the menu above. Love this song. Amazingly fitting. And for the love of God, please move on!

I will end this by saying, what’s so important to remember is that other people and their opinions or lies, do not form who you are. Their reality is not yours. Some people live in a world where they lie so much that they begin to believe it as fact. They manipulate and convince others that their lies are real, because it is self-serving. Narcissism and mythomania are just who some people are made up of. You cannot allow them or their behavior to define you and the way you live your life and your truth. Be mature, be proud, let go, let God, and live the best life you can. Do right by others, do right by you, and make a change in this world that you can be proud of.

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